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My Journey out of the Vortex - GUEST POST from Marianne from Myomytv.com

Posted on June 7, 2012 at 3:35 PM

I am so super excited to have this guest post from Marianne from Myomytv. Marianne is one of the co-founders of the https://www.facebook.com/GirlsGoneStrong" target="_blank">Girls Gone Strong Movement , mistress of the kettlebells :), a cardiac nurse and a kindred spirit. Although we have never met in person she has graciously agreed to write a guest post for me. The bulk of my own training has come from Myomytv.com and Marianne's philosophy on training, nutrition and life in general is one that I share and that inspires me every day. Please check out her post here and don't forget to leave her a comment and check out her site!!! This is a deeply personal post and I am honored that she has shared it here. Thanks again Marianne! xoxo


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My Journey out of the Vortex


 

On my blog, I can get somewhat personal about certain things, but they often only require a skim of detail from my life. Today, however, I feel I need to open up in order to fully convey what stress, anxiety, negativity and neglect of your spiritual self can do to your life in a very short space of time. A major turning-point occurred for me just very recently and I can say that I am safely out of the “Vortex”, but this is after a year (or even more) of cascading events and emotional turmoil that sucked me down in the first place.


 

What now seems like an eternity ago, my life literally fell apart before my eyes, as the future I saw for myself died! My identity was brought into question, as I was no longer going to be a wife to the man I loved. My engagement was broken and I was, once again, on my own.


“What now?!” “Why me?” and “What if?” were questions that frequented my lips over the initial 3-4 months. I just couldn’t understand how this could happen, and all I could do was remember the good times, conveniently forgetting the bad, and the glaringly obvious fact that this was for the best!


 

Fast forward about 7 months and I thought I was feeling fine from the whole ordeal; I was succeeding at my career in fitness and I was making my own way in the world once more. However, all was not well underneath, as I held unresolved resentment and feelings of sadness over the loss of a life I used to long for.


 

Over the course of about 3 months I turned into a negative, moody, tired, and hopeless person, who wanted nothing but peace and quiet and a life of isolation. My anxiety over going to work increased 3 fold and I dreaded any social interactions. I even started to lag behind on my blogging. My training and diet took a side-step too, as I became disheartened by everything in life, and found everything to complain about. I became totally self-absorbed and felt nothing for other people – I simply didn’t care. My mood was up and down and I am sure my friends just LOVED spending time with me! Just as well I was “happier” alone!


 

One day, something snapped, and I picked up the phone and rang into work. I told them I would not be in that week. Basically, a week turned into 3 months as I began my decent from a vortex of near depression and deep bitterness about my life. Not many people knew what was going on, and I did not disclose the extent of my feelings to many people except my long-term friends and my mum. I was ashamed for taking all that time off work, and I felt guilty for being so selfish, yet I knew deep inside, that I NEEDED this time and I NEEDED to fix myself, or else I would never climb out of this vortex.

 


After trying counselling, and writing my feelings out, talking to friends about all my problems, I was still feeling weighed down by it all. I felt lonely and I just wanted to feel happy again; happy with myself, by myself! But how could I do this when all I could see and feel were problems and obstacles.

 


Throughout the duration of my struggles, I did have a glimmer of hope through a blossoming friendship with a kindred spirit far away. A hope that one day I would have the relationship I deserved and that I would be a better person in that relationship, because I was putting the time and effort into filling myself up with love, kindness and respect for myself. My “friend” served as a beautiful reminder that I could feel love again, and although we never dated, he became like a benchmark for all other characters to measure up against. I guess looking back this stopped me jumping into another relationship before I was ready. I now realize that without feeling good about yourself and feeling worthy, how can you possibly attract a partner who will treat you equally as well, if not better than you do yourself. Plus, you have to be willing and able to give yourself wholly to the relationship and be prepared to treat the other person the way they deserve too; with love, admiration, respect, affection, while being loyal to them and equally committed to the relationship.

 


As events unfolded I started reading several books that have changed my outlook on life and the way I see myself. It is amazing how these words have done what no other person could have done. In the quiet of my own company the words I read pierced deep into my soul and they drew out a person I never really knew. A person who saw only good things and felt uplifted and moved by the hope of life! I came to realize that every thought, every feeling I have, will manifest in my life. If I am always thinking about what I don’t want, what I hate, what stresses me out, those are the things I get more of! The same is true of things you love, things that make you feel good … you manifest more of these things too!

 


The reading list started with “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer, then a good friend recommended “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, that lead to me reading “The Power” and “The Magic” both by Rhonda Byrne, and then “The Science of Being Great” by Wallace Wattles. My latest book and the best to date is “The Secret Things of God” by Henry Cloud.

 


What these books have taught me is that I have the power to change “tone” of my life. It’s not the world that is at fault, it is my attitude to it. If I find and follow my bliss in life, then good things follow. I have also learned the importance of not living in the future (by wishing for more) – instead live in gratitude that you have enough NOW. Still have dreams and ambitions, but recognize that you have many things to be happy for right now, and more things will follow – it really is that simple! Do not waste time worrying, because there is a force greater than us Who has a plan and will take care of our every need, for the best! Letting go of trying to control everything is often a huge challenge (and still can be for me), but life goes so much smoother, when you let go, and have FAITH!

 


This journey has been a challenging one, but I am so grateful that I took the time to fill myself up with love, gratitude and faith. I never believed it was possible to feel so overwhelmed with feelings of happiness.

 


It is something that requires practice, but once you start seeing the positive effects this mind-set has on your life and your ability to impact on others, you do not want anything else.


My only wish is that everyone would get to experience this journey out of the vortex.


Now I have full faith that I will find that beautiful relationship, because I am attracting to me the things I love!



Categories: Personal Development, Stress Management & Self Care, Faith Matters

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11 Comments

Reply WilliamAlume
9:19 PM on January 11, 2017 
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Reply Spicy
5:41 PM on August 20, 2012 
Wow, I think I needed to read this today. I've been on my own journey and I've let my spiritual stuff take a back seat for a while. I can see how it's effected my life, but I didn't realize how much until reading this and taking the time to think about it. Thank you for sharing this.
Reply ★ Owner
4:29 AM on June 14, 2012 
Thank you so much everyone for the comments. I have been reading along and letting Marianne respond, she is wise beyond her years with so much to share. I am honored to have had the opportunity to have her share with you.

xoxo
Reply Helene @healthyfrenchie
3:42 PM on June 8, 2012 
I love Marianne's workout too and I always find that she inspires me. Thank you for this beautifully written post and for reminding me that things do get better and that I should be grateful for what I have NOW
Reply Tatiana
3:00 PM on June 8, 2012 
Thanks for sharing! I believe I meant to read this for some reason today.. Its very inspirational! Thanks for naming the books, I will read them one by one and I hope I will find the way out. to be a better me.Thanks again and good luck!
Reply Marianne
2:21 PM on June 8, 2012 
Hi everyone,

Thank you all for reading my story, and I am very pleased that I was able to share this, because I have come to a better place in my life. I want that for everyone.

One verse I read recently struck a chord with me that I'd also like to share:

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves" ~ 1 John Ch 3 verse 18-20

I needn't add anything more :)

Reply gryer
1:12 PM on June 8, 2012 
Marianne, I had no idea the stresses you were under... I think you did a valiant job of keeping it to yourself all the while STILL maintaining myomytv.com for your loyal fellow-kettle-bellarinas! It funny: it seems the world delivers the means to solve your problems just when you need them and are ready to accept them. While the route may have been painful, it was probably necessary to bring you to where you are today. The fact that you look so awesome, and your website is growing in popularity, you have the successful GGS, and a blossoming social life suggests that you have put it all together. Now that you have experienced the lows, you can welcome the highs for all they are worth! You deserve a happy and successful life! You have already given so much, though you may not realize it. I am SOOO happy for you!
Reply Kara
1:08 PM on June 8, 2012 
Thank you for sharing your story! I too had a very similar situation happen around 2 years ago. It was tragic and devastating and quite honestly, if it wasn?t for my faith in Jesus, I don?t know if I would have survived. I still ask the question "why?" and I still get the answer "to know ME better" this might be your "silver lining" as well. He is in the habit of giving us the best, and best things are headed your way! Thank you again for your courage to share!
Reply Matty
10:37 AM on June 8, 2012 
Thanks for sharing your story wit us, your message has really hit home for me, I've felt like I was caught in a vortex for the last year or so. This may sound corny but I feel like I was ment to read this because last night me and my boyfriend were talking and her was consoling me for about the millionth time pointing out to me all the good things I have in my life and that I was ment for greatness. And I woke up this morning and instead of running through a list of things I had to do for the day I focused on things I was greatful for and it's amazing how that changes your mood I wasen't feeling anxious or worried, but calm and inspired so thanks again.
Reply Erica
8:12 AM on June 8, 2012 
You are wise beyond your years. It always takes a turning point like that to get you there but at the end, ohh it is so worth it. I could totally relate, since 3 years ago my marriage of 14 years ended and I went thought the same thing; just the extended version.
You should be very proud of your self, not everyone can go thought that and come out on top feeling brighter than ever. Salud!
Reply Hanelle
4:25 AM on June 8, 2012 
Thank you so much for sharing this very personal journey, Marianne! It speaks of true courage and insight. The Lord is our shepherd, indeed, and I have also recently come to realise that I shall not want. Towards the end of last year I also faced a period of deep and overwhelming anxiety and depression which brought a screeching halt to just about everything in my life. There is truly an art to being comfortable with one's own company, and I had to relearn all of that. A book which really spoke to me was Tolle's "Power of Now", which I think you'll also enjoy. Within the first page he had said everything I felt but couldn't even put into words! I'll look into some of the books you've mentioned as well. I wish you only the best for your future journey, and above all in your present moment - letting go is difficult, but the future does seem to take care of itself if we can be content and at peace with what we have now.